Power Up & Face Cyber Bullies
By Alex Fox | 22 December 2020 | Expert Advice, Feature
Marie Quigley & Jeanine Bailey address the issues surrounding cyber bullying, as social media platforms become home to a flow of negative comments & private messaging
Cyber bullying is taking place right across the globe. It’s not pleasant; it’s hostile and unkind, and can create so much emotional impact such as anger, frustration, hurt, helplessness, etc. In fact, recipients of bullying can allow it to destroy their lives and livelihood – if they so choose.
‘If they choose’ may sound like an interesting choice of words, but key if you are a recipient of cyber bullying. This is because a powerful and empowering way to overcome or avoid cyber bullying is to choose not to be a victim of it and taking your own personal power back.
Cyber bullies target people they believe they can control or perceive as competitors or have something they don’t have, to satisfy their own lack of self control. They seek power over others who they believe will succumb to bullying to get what they want and what they potentially believe they can’t get on their own. For example; power, influence, customers, sales etc.
As coaches, we work with people who feel and believe they are a ‘victim’ of things outside of themselves and support them to find and master their own personal power. Often, people will blame others or circumstances for their experiences and what they do and don’t have. For example, they might blame their parents, or boss, or the economy or their experiences for what they do or don’t have in their lives.
And when people blame outside of themselves, they are not taking 100% ownership of their own experiences. Instead they are giving their power away to blame those who say and do things – which might be deliberate bullying – or it might be something else. And that’s when they ‘choose’ to become a ‘victim’ to things outside of their control.
The fact is – none of us have control over others. All we have is control over ourselves, which is where our true power lies, and how we choose to respond to situations: the things that are said or not said about us, the emotions that show up in our lives, the outcomes we achieve, and so on.
It is the meanings we give to what we experience – the things we see, hear and feel – that really create our reality and whether we are a victim of our experiences or whether we stand in our own power, rising above whatever maybe going in our lives, including bullying.
And when we are in our own power – we can see bullies as the victims of not being able to stand on their own two feet. When this happens – we no longer give power to the bullies – we switch off the energy we gave them, which they previously thrived upon.
As coaches we ask questions of people we are working with to identify how they can see the bullies in a different way and create a positive way forward. Some of these questions are:
- When you hear what the bully says, what do you make that mean about yourself?
- What beliefs are you choosing to believe about you, them, your world when you listen to what they say?
- Are these beliefs really true? Do you really want to believe them?
- What is your powerful truth?
- And what empowering beliefs can you choose to make up about yourself to support you to step into your personal power?
For example, “I choose to continue doing my work and promoting what I do ethically and proudly, knowing nobody can take my personal power away.”
- What is the positive learning underneath this experience?
For example, “How to take responsibility for my own experiences.”
- What do I need to let go of to move forward in a powerful way?
- Who do I need to BE? For example, strong, forgiving, courageous, responsible.
- And what DO I want to do to BE those empowering traits? For example, “Continue to do what I do best knowing there will always be challenges when I’m being the best I can be.”
To demonstrate the power of asking ourselves these type of powerful questions, here is an example of just one of many millions of people who have answered these type of questions: Oprah Winfrey. Her unmarried parents separated after she was born and Oprah was left in the care of her grandmother who lived in extreme poverty. At six years of age, she joined her mother and two half-brothers in a Milwaukee ghetto, an extremely poor and dangerous neighbourhood. Subsequently she went backwards and forwards between her parents during which time she experienced repeated sexual abuse from age nine by several male family members, resulting in years of bad behaviour and pregnancy at age 14. Her son died shortly after his birth.
Despite the very difficult circumstances of her upbringing, Oprah chose not to let this mean she could not rise. Instead, she chose life by holding onto the notion that she was absolutely worthy – not a victim – and could become the master of her own life and step into her power.
We all have this ability to choose to rise in our own unique way using our authentic voice, power, strengths and talents when we choose to take 100% responsibility for the meanings we give our experiences. Simply by making a choice not to be a victim of any circumstances or bullying (even when the bullies are trying their best) and by choosing to make it mean something empowering that lifts us – we rise even more.
Marie and Jeanine deliver executive & life coaching programs for individuals; cutting-edge International Coach Federation (ICF) approved coach training and mentoring programs in-house and publicly; as well as tailored workshops and facilitation programs to organisations and thousands of people since 2012.